My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
