when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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