this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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