i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
