There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
