We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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