Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
