Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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