we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
