Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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