They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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