If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
