there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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