i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
