Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
