she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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