I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize