and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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