have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
