i think my tv is drunk
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
