yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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