There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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