"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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