her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
