I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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