btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
