kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
