he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Girls should come with a carfax report
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
