dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
