i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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