Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
