I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
