I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
