Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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