Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
