i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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