Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
