Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
