dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
