He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
