we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
