There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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