somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
