FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
