how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
