I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
