I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
