As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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