you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
