dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
