I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
