how can u be prego again
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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