guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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