Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
