I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
