i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
