yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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