just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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