Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
