i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
