Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
