he wants to bone in the snuggie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
