Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
