2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
