Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize