Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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