i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
