I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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