some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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