It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I die, sorry about rent.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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