u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
