I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
