so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
